Hey, pplz...

Check out my other blog,
wannagrowforgod.blogspot.com to see some pics from my school in Auala, Savaii Samoa
Work and home things are keeping me from getting my thots and stuff out on this thing, but I do promise that it IS coming. :)
Thanks for your patience. Voluntary or not. :)
Jen

Never seen that before...

... have you?
Any of you seen the cartoon, "The Coyote and the Roadrunner"? Remember where, whenever the Roadrunner would start to run, their legs would spin in a circle, kinda like a fan, and they'd spin away in the same place until they "PHEW!".. would take off?
Well, I saw a deer do just that today. I was driving home from some meetings, and coming down the road I saw a nice whitetail buck in the middle of the road, crossing to the other side. *sigh*. you know how deer are, they get blinded by the lights of your car? He was no exception, and he just stood there, blinking stupidly for a few seconds; til I beeped my horn, and then he pulled a "Roadrunner" and spun his hoofs so fast he never moved from where he was standing for a few seconds! It was the funniest thing.. watching him spin his hoofs in an attempt to run fast. It was almost like he was standing on ice!
And that's the funny thing.. he WASN'T on ice. Have you ever seen a deer spin his hoofs on pure asphalt? Road conditions being dry, with no moisture or heat or ice anywhere? Baffled me, for sure....
Well, what can we say... stranger things have happened...

I love this pic...

true blue. Clarity. Awesomeness.
I've been busy updating all my other blogs, Xanga and my "twin blogger", I wanna grow for God..
God's been speaking to my heart lately...
calling me...
beckoning me...
reaching for me...
... and I feel my heart and soul respond to Him... rising from the depths of busyness and harried, rushed life without considering Him, pretending that everything is fine...
before I become someone that I don't like; unfamiliar and strange...
I know my soul is longing after Him, thirsting after Him...
... this is my life quest...
knowing Him.

This is my new truck...

Had a sweet Sunday

My sister had decided to put together a Mom's luncheon this Sunday, since almost all the married guys were gonna be in Ohio at a Men's retreat for the weekend.

Sarah, Marly, Rochelle and Micah had been planning this for 3 weeks.. a lot of organizing and thought went into it. I missed my opportunity, but their first organizational meeting they had was here, and you know how most meetings go, the ones where they're planning, organizing, dictating, appointing, and stuff, they have laptops and speaker phones?

Well in this case, all 4 of them were on their cell phones. Texting the orders. Man, I wanted to laugh so hard, cuz like, they were really appointing people to do all types of stuff via text, and they were getting instant responses, discussing everything from who brings what to how many donations they need. I made dinner, and they didn't take a break; they served themselves up and ate while they worked.

Anyhow, the end result was way amazing.

We had to answer questions like, "What was your most embarrassing moment?" or, "What's your favorite marriage book?"

I think the funniest most embarrassing moment that was said was Tizzy Troyer's, but I ain't gonna say what happened. ha, ha...

So, this is a public "Thank you" to all those who were involved in this special afternoon. I enjoyed myself, and I know others did, too.

And if you wanna see pics, you gonna hafta check out a different website because my camera is my cell phone, and everyone knows that the quality on those pics kinda...

Yeah.

Overwhelmed feelings in writing...

There's a few times as I go thru the week that I think to myself: Am I all that I can be right now? 

Sometimes at the end of a day I look and I see all the things that still need to be done, and I wonder, am I keeping myself from accomplishing my full potential? Not just as an employee, but as a Mom, wife, sister, friend? Every once in a while I feel so incompatible for the tasks that I have in my everyday life, and I am so prone to feel like a failure, even tho I know that's not how I'm supposed to feel. It takes me a long time to get back up on my feet after I mess something up. 

I think back on my life, when I was at home still, working 14 hour days at the greenhouse, coffee shop, splitting wood, herding sheep, cutting grass, I see how much I used work to distract me from how I was doing spiritually. I was the kind that rarely got mad. But when I did, I got TONS of work done. My sister used to tease me, saying that she kinda liked when I would get mad because I would get the work of 4 people done. I used hard work to get my frustrations out of my system. Someone once said, "We're often unhappy because we remember the past being better than it really was, the present more difficult than it should be, the future bleaker than it really is." 

To be honest, my childhood wasn't all that bad. It was my teenage years that were rough. My spirituality was shaped under hard circumstances, but for some reason, God took me out of really bad things and sent me to learn how to completely lean on Him and trust Him without reserve. I no longer had work to lean on to distract me. I actually had to sit still and learn to be quiet. Do you realize how uncomfortable it is to listen to the voices that you've shut up for years? 

But I dealt with them. And after cleaning up my heart and thoughts and life, I re-learned to truly live life as God meant me to. I've always loved to serve. And now I'm serving in ways that I didn't know existed. How could I know that teaching our son to color and recognize numbers is serving a higher purpose? What I didn't know is that God never intended me to stop serving, He merely raised the bar; He raised the level of how I served. When I was at home I shut out so much.. But now I look into Micah's eyes and the strong resolve in me rises up to give him the best that I can. The awesome thing is... God put that in me. The high calling of being the best that I can be for our son and my husband: This is the way that I can fulfill the longing I have to serve. I have potential. 

Thanks, Jesus. 

Well, it's been a long time since I've done anything to even resemble an update, so I decided that I'm gonna update as I go thru-out my day, that way I can get stuff done and still let you all know what's going on in our lives. 

This morning I got up early, thinking I had to get Micah off to the doctors but his appointment isn't until Wednesday. *relief* So, I guess I can be thankful that I got up early to start my day.. 

It's Monday, which means it's time to get back in the groove of things and set the temp for how the rest of the week goes.. I recently decided that I wanna stay home on Mondays, just to get my house in order after the weekend and prepare for another long week. Just makes sense to me, y'know.. :) 

But actually it's not gonna slow down much.. This past weekend was the only one that we had to call our own. This weekend CC's cousin is coming down to visit, and a couple girlfriends of Sarah's will be here, too. Next weekend CC goes to MD to preach, next weekend we go to Ohio for a wedding, next weekend we go to a retreat... the list goes on...

That's what our next several weeks look like... Busy. 

I think in October, CC and a few other guys are gonna make a western trip... to see the sights and hang out to have some well deserved guy time. At first the trip originated because my little brother was going to move out here for several months, but he decided he didn't want to.. AFTER the tickets had been bought. So, instead of the guys being disappointed in not traveling, they're gonna go anyhow, see the sights and visit some old friends. 

I'm not sure how to take my brother not coming out. In some respects, I'm a little hurt, I suppose because the reasons he gave were weak, and some were disrespectful, others were to hide how he really felt. I suppose I should be relieved a little, which I am, but somehow I can't shake the sad feeling that he isn't gonna get better, but worse, and I'm not there to help him out. But as he says, he's an adult now and can make his own decisions (at the age of 18) So he wants to go his own way. *sigh* I guess I wasn't at home either at that age, but I was living with ppl who made a difference in my life and I'll always be indebted to them. So I'll just keep praying for him, that he'll find his way because if he doesn't shape up soon, the world isn't a very kind place to those who walk into it ignorantly, and I'm scared of what he could be. 

Working with kids for the past 9 years in classes, camps, bible schools and just one on one, I get glimpses into their lives and the many horrific thing that they've been thru.

 Some have been neglected. 

Others starved. 

Beaten, left at a store, laughed at, bullied, exposed to drugs, burned, raped, tied up... the sick list goes on. I held a 2 week old baby last night and I thought, "Who would be sick enough to be a child abuser?" She was so little, innocent, pure, helpless..

Maybe that's why ppl take their anger out on kids. Because they're everything the adults are not. 

Pure. Loving. Completely trusting. No hard looks, no judgment. They accept you for who you are. They say a child is the closest thing to God's heart. Maybe for some, it's like looking into the Face of God Himself. They just can't take it. 

So anyhow, those are just a few things that have been running around in my head. Now to continue to update. 

God has blessed us with a new van last month... our poor Tahoe was on it's last leg of life. I kinda miss it, I suppose it's more of the memories I associate with it than anything. But when the door handles are all broken, mpg is 12, check engine light is on, AC doesn't work, back windshield wiper doesn't work, it's probably time to look for something a little more reliable. The Lord took care of us and gave us a 07 Honda Odessy, seats 7 and gets 25 mpg. Now we can go on family trips with our own car! So anyhow, it's nice to be able to have a dependable car again. 

Well, I must get going... I'm starting our son in preschool here, so here come the crayons, papers, scissors, and coloring books! 

Fun times.. 

SO busy!

Man, I've been so busy lately that I have to make a conscience decision to stop and take a breath... 

My sister left NC this past week.. she'd been staying here for the past almost 2 months.. then a friend of ours came out from Washington state to visit for a while, overlapping the time that my sis was here, and at the same time, my younger brother John, was out here for 2 weeks, all overlapping each other! 

Our house was constantly full of guests, and it was often hard to tell who actually lived in the house and who was just visiting... CC would say "whoever pays rent are the ones who live here!!!" :) 

But I loved it... I love being surrounded by smiles and laughter and ppl. 

Today it's another busy day, even tho it's just our little family here.. We're cutting the grass, taking care of our little garden, and I'm going to work in an hour or so. 

Tomorrow CC's mom is coming down for a week visit, along with 2 of his sisters and younger brother, so I think it's gonna be tons of fun again! It's been quiet around here for the past 48 hours... lol. 

I should be going... got a lot to do yet before the day is over. 

Later...

...it broke my heart...

CC and I had gone to town for a quick break from work to grab a bite to eat, change the oil in the business van and pick up some supplies for the shop and the snack for the Children's Ministry Tuesday night.
I had run into Dollar General to pick up some things that my boss needed, and headed for the cashier's desk. After paying for my groceries, I got ready to pay a separate check for the shop supplies with the business card. That's when I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, the young woman standing behind me in line. She was smaller than me, probably Hispanic, and was alone with a basket of groceries on her arm. She was acting all antsy, like she needed to use the bathroom really bad, or like she was listening to some salsa music, but I didn't really give it much thought.. after all, there are all types of people in this world, you know.
So when the cashier needed me to swipe the card again because it was declined, (How in the world is a Choice Books card gonna get declined?!?) I was like, man, forget it, let her go ahead and I'll wait for my husband to come in to handle this. The little lady acted so relieved, and she like, shoved her basket of stuff on the counter... and then she turned to me and said, "He (referring to Micah, who was patiently standing by my side) is so good." I was like, "Thanks!"
It was then that I noticed, as she pushed her groceries across the counter, that the sleeve on her extremely cute white blouse raised up a little, and exposed a dark, nasty looking bruise. I was like, wow, that looks like it hurts.. and figured that she must have fallen (the classic excuse) and left it at that.
But then she jumped, like someone had poked her, and she gasped and left the store before the cashier could even pull anything out of her basket to scan it. He and I kinda looked at each other like, "Ooookaaaayyyy..."
I watched her run up to a dented up yellow 2-door car that had pulled up beside the curb in front of the store and open the door and talk to the guy in the drivers seat.
My heart burned in anger as he slapped her and screamed at her in Spanish to get in the car now; she got in, shut the door and the car screeched off.
That bruise wasn't an accident. She had gotten beaten. That's why she was in such a hurry to get her groceries and leave. She was in fear of getting beat because she wasn't out on the curb waiting when that guy pulled up. And because she wasn't there, she did get beat.
What do you do? I didn't even get her name. Or where she lived. I can't even speak Spanish. I can sorta understand it, but not much.
Man, I prayed, tho. I prayed that we would cross paths again, and somehow, someone could tell her that she is loved by God Almighty, unconditionally, and Who would never expect the impossible out of her, and then beat her when she didn't meet up to His standards. She has a purpose in life, and she is wanted.
This is why my heart is here.
This is why I serve.

My thots from my day

Today I was driving out of the parking lot of the library, and noticed a young girl rushing down the steps of the library. She was talking on her cell phone, and as I looked closely, I saw tears running down her face. Instantly my heart went out to her. I have no idea what she was going thru, or what she was crying about.
But I know that she was hurting. Whether for herself or for someone else.
I wanted to take her pain away.
I wanted to reach out and touch her, let her know that I care and that there's Someone Who cares about what she is going thru.
But she went straight to her car and drove away.
Is that what we do sometimes?
When we hurt, we cry, and try to sort through our feelings...
...and then we get into our groove of our life and drive away.
And the One Who wants to help us is hurting for us, wanting to reach out and touch us to let us know that it's gonna be ok...
But before He gets a chance,
...we get into our car and drive away.
Man, I wish I could help that girl. I don't know where she is or who she is. But all I know it that she's hurting, and, apparently,

...she was hurting alone.

Hmmmm... an update....

So you want an update?
Hmmm...
Not sure what to update you on....
I know that Youth Bible School just started today, here in NC...Which is cool because I know that my little sister has been looking forward to this week for a very long time. Lol.
Well, let's just say that my life has been very full as of the last 4 months... since we have 2 young people living in our house, it's just been short of stressful.
When you let youth in your house, to live with you, to become part of your family, your life, your schedule, you take the risk of exposing your family to whatever baggage they bring with them.
But it's a chance to see them grow up.
A chance to see them thru a storm in their life.
A chance to walk alongside them in everyday life.
A chance to be an influence in their life.
No, it's not always easy. You expose your family to possible hurts.
But I think that this is one of the things that Jesus meant when He said,
"Don't store up for yourselves treasures here on earth.....Store your treasures in heaven..."
Man, hope there's interest.
Later.